Did you know the divorce rate for remarriages is higher than for first? A lot of people express surprise over this. They naively assume that people learn from the errors from their first marriage and are even more committed to making this marriage successful. All of that sounds good, but let's look at what the realities are. The following are some of the most common reasons for a higher divorce rate in remarriage.
One of the same partners from your last marriage are still present in this remarriage. Most people don't take the time to evaluate WHAT went wrong. They just assume the problem was the WHO. Unfortunately that's not the case. You need to examine what caused the marriage to fall apart.
While it's tempting to assume that your ex-spouse was the problem, they weren't 100% responsible. Without taking time to look at YOUR part in the marriage's demise, you are destined to repeat the similar, if not the same, mistakes. A divorce experience doesn't suddenly reveal special awareness of relationship danger signs. The sad fact is, people rush into a new relationship too quickly after their divorce. They are not truly prepared to be in a committed relationship in the way that a new marriage requires.
Most people are still reeling from the many changes and/or losses they experienced as a result of their divorce. Continuing to be wrapped up in what happened in your last marriage doesn't build a stable foundation for a new marriage. Remarriage commitment is less than in a first marriage. By being in a remarriage, it means one member of your couple has been married before.
If the previous marriage ended in divorce that means a conscious decision was made to terminate the marriage. That's a boundary which was crossed over. After the decision is made to go past that boundary, it becomes even easier to cross it again.
Divorce isn't an unknown entity. You may not have liked it but you endured it. Because of this, it becomes a more viable option than it did in a first marriage as soon as things get rough.
A step family is an unknown in our society. Step families are quickly becoming the most common family unit, but does anyone have a clue how they are supposed work? We still base our ideas of family on the old standard of a nuclear family (mom, dad, and their biological children.) A step family does NOT fit this mold. When new step families see that their family doesn't come close to resembling what they expected, it's common for them to start questioning their decision to remarry. Divorce is painful.
There's no getting around it. You hurt, you ex-spouse hurts, and your children hurt. Rather than running to the altar because you're "in love", take time to step back and prepare. Don't put yourself and your children through the pain of another divorce.
Be wiser. Be a better partner rather than just looking for a better one.
Does the idea of learning from other divorced and remarried parents sound appealing to you? Well, come on in to The Community then! We exist as a place where parents can ask questions and offer support to one another. Check us out at http://www.RemarriageCommunity.com
